Willa just wants to ride Eric’s pony but this bad boy is not afraid of leaving a girl dissatisfied. It all goes fairy bad … Jess and ‘daddy’ Bill try and work out a game plan but it’s all headed to hell.
Ask and ye shall receive. It was an episode about being confronted by ugly truths, but thankfully producers ameliorated the trauma by putting cheese grater abs on display.
So let’s rip the buttons off another ‘Fangs A Lot True Blood’ recap.
Episode 4: At Last
Yep, Ben was totally Warlow. A fairy who got turned to become a super-mega daywalking vampire. Totally pinged that two recaps ago. OK, sure, it was fairly obvious – or is that fairy obvious? Ahem – but I’m still doing a little victory dance here involving lots of jiving shoulder movements.
He revealed himself early on, giving a knocked-out Jason his blood. Why not let him die? Maybe that would’ve distracted Sookie too much from his caring, sharing plans for boning.
The V clears Jason up a treat, but of course it does come with side effects. Some are welcome – such as Jason feeling the need to strip off the T-shirt and chock up 250 chin ups in full technicolour ab glory.
Others aren’t so good. One of my favourite aspects of True Blood is how it doles out the hot steamy fantasy sequences well before slash fiction writers on the internet get a chance.
And so we had Jason enjoying a close shave with Ben, nicking his neck then being invited to taste the blood. Just as something was clicking in my brain that “hang on, doesn’t vampire blood make you dream like this?”, Jason awoke with a rigid sense that something was wrong.
Meanwhile Eric and Pam deal with a runaway Tara who apparently was trying to protect Governor Walter White’s daughter by spiriting her away. She’s hidden Willa (finally worked out her name) in a fairground, so Eric goes to retrieve her. After entreating him again about her distaste for her father’s persecution of vampires, he decides to turn her into one. You know, for political reasons.
I thought it was very polite of Eric to take off his shirt so Willa would be more comfortable in her dirt grave. He could’ve been more polite and taken his pants off, but I suppose he was busy. Willa sucked up Eric’s blood like deranged mosquito, and delighted in her newfound vampire status.
However she wasn’t too keen on being sent back to Daddy, who was flipping out that his crack anti-vamp forces (the LAVTF? the LVAFO? the LMFAO?) hadn’t been able to track down his precious girl. Not even the reassurances of Sarah Newlin (so THAT’S what she meant by “I’m getting into politics”) could help.
But then Willa showed up – and they had to invite her in. She demanded her father stop his maniacal campaign, and he seemed to be re-thinking his life choices – until Sarah shot Willa and told him to take her to his “special camp”.
Vamps are being rounded up for camp all over the place. Norah was tracked and felled after revealing to Grandpappy Niall that Warlow was actually the only person who could kill Lilith/Billith; and Pam was taken after Tara did a runner on her when they had another spat about Tara’s apparent tolerance of humans.
The comedy gold of this episode was Andy Bellefleur’s fairy daughters, who were giving Terry headaches by giggling about the violent death he inflicted on former friend Patrick. As they went off to sleep top-and-tail in bed, you hear a crash and bang and “it happened again”, and they turn on the lights to reveal themselves as buxom, perfectly coiffed and made up teenagers. Not a pimple or frizzy, ill-advised haircut to be seen. It’s just not fair!
Anyway, being teenagers, they decided to raid Arlene’s skimpy wardrobe, steal Andy’s sheriff car and go on a bender. There they run into Jessica, who convinces them to come party with her, even though she’s, like, a vampire and stuff.
Turn on the skeeviness as well as the charm, Bill convinces one of the fairies to give up her blood, so he can have his imprisoned-in-a-lab-in-the-basement doctor to synthesise the blood. He of course has some problems with that as the blood disintegrates within minutes of being removed from the body.
Bill’s like “no worries dude, I’ve got live donors just chilling in my crib upstairs”. When the Doc tries to put his foot down, he winds up dancing on the ceiling, with skeevy Bill demanding he finish the job.
Except Jessica, who’s been having a hard time controlling the fairies, loses control of herself and goes all medieval on the girls. Sad when she had been so paranoid that Billith would be the one to be overwhelmed by their tasty fairy goodness. Unfortunately, I’m not sure even enthusiastic clapping will bring these fairies back to life.
Looks like back to square one for Bill, and a whole lot of self-hate for Jess. Oh, and Andy’s on the way to say hello after finally working out where his girls might be.
Sam meanwhile escapes the wolves with Emma and the big-haired LA hipster lady when Lafayette shows up in his car. But Sam insists his short-order cook leave them and get out of the whole mess. Instead, Sam turns into a pretty pony to ride them all away … to a dodgy hotel room.
LA hipster chick was reluctant at first to get involved, but having a massive leg wound meant she kinda needed help. Which is fine, but then WHY DID SHE AND SAM HAVE TO MAKE OUT?!!?
I’m sorry, but I am NOT okay with this development. As a few characters pointed out during the episode, the events of Season 5 literally happened a few days earlier. A week, tops. Sam was deeply in love with Luna. But there he is, making out with LA hipster chick? What the hell, man? It ain’t right. I do not like this storyline. Have some God-damn self-respect Sam and stop moping about after any woman who looks at you, for crying out loud.
Finally, back to Warlow. This all moved faster than I expected, with Jason confessing his strange dream to Niall, and Grandpappy Fairy King pinging that perhaps a fairy could have been turned into a vampire. What, he NEVER thought of that option in hundreds of years of existence? It NEVER crossed his mind until his human grandson got an erroneous erection?
Anyway. The pair head to Ben/Warlow’s motel room to kill him, but he’s ready and immobilises Niall with some fairy light bombing, and glamours Jason into saying goodbye then forgetting everything. But unlike every other vampire, Niall’s blood seems unpalatable to him – you’d think he’d be sucking down a fairy king’s O-positive like a grateful blood bank. But instead he spits it out.
He then takes the prostrate Niall to the bridge and confesses that the pair are related, and that while he killed Niall’s parents, he left him alive as a child so their line could continue. Then he throws him into the hell dimension, or whatever that wibbly-wobbly special effect is.
All of this makes him late for dinner with the Sookster, who found a drop of blood on her floor and realised Ben wasn’t what he seemed. So she cooks him a meal laced with colloidal silver, puts on some Etta James, and makes with the seduction. Ben seems pre-occupied (“We just connected from the beginning Sookie, yeah we did”), and doesn’t notice that she’s fired up her lightning ball. “Get the f— off me or die, Warlow” was a cracker of a line to conclude.
So far I’ve found the Ben/Warlow character quite understated, but maybe now he’s been revealed things will ramp up. As much as I hated Russell Edgington, he was great for some high-camp action, and True Blood needs its trashy villains.
Gore level: Willa’s death/transformation was fairly bloody, and Eric’s use of her cross pendant to spear his own neck was a particularly gothic touch.
Pining for Sookie: Ben/Warlow. Although he wasn’t really pining, just LYING FOR PERSONAL GAIN.
Who got nude: Heaps of people! Sookie got down to her undies, Jason, Eric and Alcide all flashed their abs, and Sam went the full stride pull down. There’s a “hung like a horse” joke in there somewhere, but I’ll let you assemble it in your own heads.
The original release of this article first appeared on the website of Hangzhou Night Net.